The Art of Being Single. 1st installment~Please to enjoy.

Relationships are fun aren't they? Well until they end. And they always do! It's happened to me so many times before that I'm starting to think maybe there's something wrong with me. Nahh. Couldn't be. What is the first thing you do when some one breaks up with you though? You ask that question don't you? You know the one... Was it me? Of course you get the standard (don't want to hurt your feelings) answer. "IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME"... Usually followed by a lame reason. "I'm confused". "I don't know what I want" "I'm a douchebag". (Well you're never lucky enough to get that kind of truth). Then it's the same inquisition thing. You just HAVE to know.. But he's not going to tell you really. So you do (well, I do) this thing.
Am I not attractive enough? ~ No, You're beautiful. I'm crazy attracted to you.
Is it the sex? ~ No!! The sex is amazing. Best I've ever had.
Didn't we get along well? My sense of humor? ~ No. We had a great time together. You are very funny.
So what you're really saying is that you want to be in a relationship with a humorless ugly bitch who is bad in bed? So you want your parent's marriage?
That's usually where it goes really wrong..
I'm bound and determined to get some honesty on the next breakup.. And there will be one. But this time it's going to be on my terms.. I am going to go totally batshit crazy. Like there will be no hiding the crazy kind of crazy. When he dumps me this time.. And it will happen. He will have no choice but to look deep into my eyes and say "it's not me. It's you, you crazy bitch!".. You're damned right it is!! Wait....
Another thought~
You can always tell a girl is single or happily married when you find a shit load of batteries in the bathroom drawers!! I hate it when a guy you're in a relationship with or that you're having sex with (can be mutually exclusive situations!) have an issue with you having "supplemental toys". They always say something stupid like "Now that you have me you don't need those things". I guess what you're saying is now that I have you I'm done having real orgasms? Great. Sounds good. Now if you will hand me two "AA"s I'll see ya in ten minutes Love. You think they would be relieved.It's like getting to have the girl without ever having to watch a Hugh Grant movie. All bang and no pressure to return the favor. Honestly a great toy drawer and a year's supply of batteries will last me like 3 months. You will always know when I don't have a vibrator. I will be looking for a boyfriend. Yep. That's the art of being single.